over it all.

i feel worn down already. this week has been hard. i just feel tired and lackluster. and confession: i haven't gone to ballet in 3 weeks. which is very telling of my mood, considering i love to dance.

i'm irritated and aggravated with myself, but too ashamed and depressed and demotivated to do anything about it.

that's the thing- i just don't give enough of a shit. that scares me.

instead i make excuses and lies to cover my tracks and still manage my way through school. it's stressful, shameful, and grating. and yet somehow, that still isn't enough to get me to cut it out and step it up.

i'm just not meant for this.

i wish i didn't waste so much time, but i do. and that's a matter of fact.

excusesexcusesexcuses.