over it all.

i feel worn down already. this week has been hard. i just feel tired and lackluster. and confession: i haven't gone to ballet in 3 weeks. which is very telling of my mood, considering i love to dance.

i'm irritated and aggravated with myself, but too ashamed and depressed and demotivated to do anything about it.

that's the thing- i just don't give enough of a shit. that scares me.

instead i make excuses and lies to cover my tracks and still manage my way through school. it's stressful, shameful, and grating. and yet somehow, that still isn't enough to get me to cut it out and step it up.

i'm just not meant for this.

i wish i didn't waste so much time, but i do. and that's a matter of fact.

excusesexcusesexcuses.

skerlump.

gahhhhh. i just can't get over it. this is all just making me crazy.

"This is better than Quidditch", his eyes seemed to say.

british = improvisational activity

blueberry yogurt

i dreamt i was in a prison riot. i wasn't even supposed to be there, but the end of the world was near, so they locked me up too to protect us all from the outside. you were there too. you were with someone else in that day and age, and i could feel the tension in my heart. i knew i never had any sort of place to interfere. just then, i ran into someone from high school, and standing between you and i, he whispered crass cold things into my mind. i pursed me lips, leaned in close, smeared some blueberry yogurt in his ear, and laughed.

noon day dreams are always the strangest.

lies and truths

lies

sometimes i lie. such is the case in my last post. i really don't like school. in fact- i think i actually hate it. it makes me really sad.

that's really all there is to it.

truths

a favorite

a forever favorite

when elephants swim...

by Steve Bloom

sunbird bluemoon

• i need a new pair of boots. i've realized that i do away with any issues of self-confidence once i step inside a good pair of boots. that and a side pony and homegirl is solid.

• i start semester tomorrow. i'm kind of excited to get back into learning but at the same time, just not ready to get back into having obligations. academic responsibility isn't my strong suit.

• just two more years. they'll fly by though, right? RIGHT?

• on a lighter note, since i now have a full kitchen and an almost-expendable grocery budget i'm going to get into cooking. yes. me. cooking. and notice how i didn't even say 'i'm going to try to get into cooking'. ohhhh no. this is happening. tonight i took on southwestern style black bean burgers. pretty damn good i've gotta say. must remember this recipe.

• at some point, i should probably write about my summer. eh. at any rate it was incredibly delightful. or delightfully incredible. whichever suits your mood.