large library books.

i just want someone to tell me they love me while they simultaneously have this video playing over them by way of projector.

at least check out the keyboardist at 0:53 and the chorus at 1:08.

i don't ask for much in this life. i reeeeeally don't. :)

snow dreams

http://8tracks.com/iamtinybones/winter-is-coming

the past two days i have done almost absolutely nothing. i say almost because i feel as though constantly consuming vitamin c, zinc, echinacea tea (among an assortment of other beverages pumped with health), deliciously nutritious foods, sleeping, and only breathing properly humidified air, all fall under the category of doing something. i'm determined to beat this cold before it has the best of me. i will not let thanksgiving be a bust.

at the same time, i'm battling the ever-wicked winter blues. it always comes a bit early for me. so yesterday and today i've given a real try in shedding my depression, whilst getting rid of this cold. two birds with one stone, if you will. a lavender candle, a bath, a set of clean bed linens, a clean room, and a parks and rec marathon later and i pretty much feel the same. i'm sick of feeling like a lifeless lame-ass all the time.

didn't help i had a snow dream last night, that only reminded me of an attributing factor to my clusterfuck of a mind. i never really put much faith into dream interpretation dictionaries since i feel it's all about personal perception. but just out of curiosity i looked up snow-

Psychological Meaning: Snow can indicate frozen emotions but can also symbolise transformation and purification. Clean pure snow can represent a fresh start. Melting snow can indicate that obstacles and fears are dissolving whereas an avalanche of snow can indicate that you fear being overwhelmed by emotions that have been held in check for too long. Are you ‘cold’ and lacking warmth?

Mystical Meaning: To dream of watching falling snow indicates that a letter will arrive shortly. Some superstitions claim it will be from the person you will marry. The truth is that most oracles consider this dream to be one of good luck.

wtf?

note to self- never feel any sort of hope for something as impossible as an awkward long distance relationship ever again. the fact that i can't seem to get over it makes it that much worse. on the plus side, soon enough i'll be in macerata, where it rarely snows. so, eat that discouraging dream interpretation. eat that.

run run run away.

48 days

48 days

1153 hours

69212 minutes

4152750 seconds

it feels so far away.

just gotta keep on keepin on.

deer season.

today i had to drive all the way to school with some asshole who had strapped two does to the back of his explorer. one had it's face rigored toward me with it's tongue lolled out and old blood at it's neck where the bullet wound was. the kill shot.

it's funny. i grew up climbing the trees my family would use to hang and gut the deer from. and now here i am, eating seitan and tofu. i don't mind the hunting, really i don't. i still train the dogs for pointing birds and trim the branches around the tree-strands, so as not to interfere with a clean shot when the moment is right. but there's something sweet about does that just shouldn't be violated.

and today, driving behind those poor dead mothers stacked on the back of a car, being treated as though they were worthless, all i could think of was this:

i spose if there's anything positive to say, i could say thank you LG Optimus commercial for allowing this sweet sweet melody to hitch a ride in my eardrums for the past few days. let it resonate with the red wine in my blood and with the outside murmurs of raindrops.

Sylvia Ji

i've constructed a new personal goal for myself= expand my artistic horizons. i love art, yet i don't know too much about who's out there playing the game right now. so, goal: read and research. find new inspirations and motivations. work i admire. starting with ... Sylvia Ji! a friend of mine recently posted quite a few photos of Sylvia Ji's pieces on facebook. so many gorgeous things! they're all so vibrant and powerful- buzzing even- and stand to contrast all the more with her figure's calaca inspired themes. my fascination with gawky fiesta-flavored skeletons continues! the red and black one right above is my favorite though. it makes me wish i had antlers.

job!

i love my job. i get paid to hang out with funtastic kiddos. we play yahtzee and eat lasagna and they share things like this with me. AWESOME.

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/wdc/1852440586.html

girl on a motorcycle

i just wish i had a motorcycle. that way, i could be just like this!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dEOwybriej4

hahaha.

finders keepers

home from mexico.

then i found this.

finders keepers.

you just do

" And then I cried a flood of tears as if I really were a mermaid who had absorbed too much sea into herself. The tears spilled like a balm, like a potion, like a charm. In them swam a little girl whose father was dying without ever having seen her. In them swam a girl whose mother’s magic – the only thing the girl envied more than anything else in the world, the thing that had made her invisible, the most precious thing –might be dying too. In them swam a green-haired girl who had never been touched by the boy to whom she was so devoted that she would have lived with him forever in a shack by the sea or a ruined sand castle even if he never made love to her. My tears were for me, but they were also for him. They were to wash away the thing that had frightened him so much so long ago. The wound inside his thigh. My tears poured out of me and he drank them down his throat. He drank them in gulps deep into himself, swallowing sorrow.

"Someday,” he said, “when we are ready, I will give you back your tears." "

- flb

procrastination

silver lining

my life is beautiful, otherwise. i take my new puppy for walks and runs and bike rides. i eat too much yogurt and am recently obsessed with witch's brew. we're in the midst of an incredible indian summer. i'm getting along with my family. i'm going to cozumel to scuba dive in a few weeks and portland this weekend. on top of all that, i'm hoping to bust outta here next semester for australia.

so really, life ain't bad. school just makes me feel that way.

over it all.

i feel worn down already. this week has been hard. i just feel tired and lackluster. and confession: i haven't gone to ballet in 3 weeks. which is very telling of my mood, considering i love to dance.

i'm irritated and aggravated with myself, but too ashamed and depressed and demotivated to do anything about it.

that's the thing- i just don't give enough of a shit. that scares me.

instead i make excuses and lies to cover my tracks and still manage my way through school. it's stressful, shameful, and grating. and yet somehow, that still isn't enough to get me to cut it out and step it up.

i'm just not meant for this.

i wish i didn't waste so much time, but i do. and that's a matter of fact.

excusesexcusesexcuses.

skerlump.

gahhhhh. i just can't get over it. this is all just making me crazy.

"This is better than Quidditch", his eyes seemed to say.

british = improvisational activity

blueberry yogurt

i dreamt i was in a prison riot. i wasn't even supposed to be there, but the end of the world was near, so they locked me up too to protect us all from the outside. you were there too. you were with someone else in that day and age, and i could feel the tension in my heart. i knew i never had any sort of place to interfere. just then, i ran into someone from high school, and standing between you and i, he whispered crass cold things into my mind. i pursed me lips, leaned in close, smeared some blueberry yogurt in his ear, and laughed.

noon day dreams are always the strangest.

lies and truths

lies

sometimes i lie. such is the case in my last post. i really don't like school. in fact- i think i actually hate it. it makes me really sad.

that's really all there is to it.

truths

a favorite

a forever favorite

when elephants swim...

by Steve Bloom

sunbird bluemoon

• i need a new pair of boots. i've realized that i do away with any issues of self-confidence once i step inside a good pair of boots. that and a side pony and homegirl is solid.

• i start semester tomorrow. i'm kind of excited to get back into learning but at the same time, just not ready to get back into having obligations. academic responsibility isn't my strong suit.

• just two more years. they'll fly by though, right? RIGHT?

• on a lighter note, since i now have a full kitchen and an almost-expendable grocery budget i'm going to get into cooking. yes. me. cooking. and notice how i didn't even say 'i'm going to try to get into cooking'. ohhhh no. this is happening. tonight i took on southwestern style black bean burgers. pretty damn good i've gotta say. must remember this recipe.

• at some point, i should probably write about my summer. eh. at any rate it was incredibly delightful. or delightfully incredible. whichever suits your mood.

kanye sucks.

a heady anthem dripping with such a sweet syrupy hook.

terrible video. but SUCH a GOOD song!

too many vampires.

all it takes is one bad day to throw your game off.

falling in love >>><<< falling apart

my dog is gone. chasing sassy squirrels in those clouds up above. or maybe wherever we go when this is over. she was a real beautiful dog.

but death is just a long distance relationship. cause love can even survive that lengthy period between unions.

i need a good cry. otherwise i just get this sick feeling in the back of my throat that brings me down low. but that thankful cry never comes when i think i'm ready for it. only when i least expect it. when i'm really ready for it i suppose.

the whole world starts to drown.

it feels those cold waters lap at its belly with promise.

then it sinks in and wallows with me.

Lisa Mitchell

eat your heart out.

i am in love. i know you are too.

The Primate Exhibit

happy memorial day!?.

i'm confused about this holiday. happy memorial day! OR happy memorial day?

happy memorial day.

i'm tired. and trying to remain open to the universe. putting all your trust in your own faith that all will be provided can sometimes be hard.

but for the sake of solidarity, manifest that destiny folks. if you believe in me and i believe in you we would raise the world.

in the meantime....

COMBO a collaborative animation by Blu and David Ellis (2 times loop) from blu on Vimeo.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/05/22/us/22beliefs.html

anthropology, i love you.

i'll spare you from more Banksy. instead, T. Rex.

they always get the job done.

i hate to be that person,

but i had too. because just by looking at this, it reminds me that i have moments where i'm the happiest gal in the world. in reality it's just a static picture on a static wall. but in my reality, it's a moment that reflects an emotion- who we are. and it gives me such hope for what the world could be like. what we're making it. what it already is.

these are good moments.

freedom to the streets, kids.

Real Brilliance.

at his finest. everyone and their brother's daughter's boyfriend's senile grandfather should see this film. honestly, it's perfect.

i can't remember who i was then.

i just remembered that as a child i would sometimes sleep with a butter-knife under my pillow.

what the fuck?

Just like that

I act like a cat in a bag on an air plane.

-Kayle Rowe

The most supreme genius I've ever had the pleasure of knowing and the privilege of loving.

let's do it all.

why not make the most of life?

story of my dreams.

psychedelic bison: of a friendship that transcends space and time.

my best friend moved away today. i made her this monsterpiece masterpeace to celebrate our friend loving relationship.

maybe i should have been studying. but collaging is so much more fulfilling.

must drink more milk.

magic log

dear fred penner,

please adopt us and be our father.

sincerely,

juliette and shannon

WALRUS

WALRUS

WALRUS

it's the pool that all the streams in my mind trickle towards.

WALRUS

i literally can't stop.

i am in like like with them all over again.

http://theradiodept.com/

as of late

they aren't cohesive. but who said they had to be?

teeth taken as self-portrait by connor paulus, photographic prodigy.

it doesn't have to be so sad.

it's really just a marriage of your soul to another place anyway. you'd want us to dance.

Jelks. what a great name.

blues greens yellows

someday i will live all of these things. just not today or tomorrow.

Tape

Aakash Nihalani, Secured, Brooklyn - unurth | street art

It may not be precise, but...

Aimer, ce n’est pas se regarder l’un l’autre, c’est regarder ensemble dans la même direction.

Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward in the same direction.

-Antoine de Saint-Exupéry-

i'm running out of time.

it's overcast.


i'm just so tired of this. i need to go away for a little while. alas, i cannot. so here i am. waiting for real life to restart.

i miss this a lota bit.

i'm out of

it.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/bill-maher/new-rule-the-more-humans_b_506538.html

i love ricky gervais,

http://www.hulu.com/watch/134332/the-marriage-ref-madonna-ricky-gervais-larry-david

especially at around 8:54.

dream house.

http://henryvarnumpoor.com/index.html

a quote of many quotes.

There is a privacy about it which no other season gives you.
In spring, summer and fall people sort of have an open season on each other;
only in the winter, in the country, can you have longer, quiet stretches when you can savor belonging to yourself.
-Ruth Stout

it's stuck in my head.

http://lillymcelroy.com

just another tuesday afternoon.

if you haven't already, you really must.

credits to chip and jenni for sharing.

i rarely lie.

one of the most exciting things to happen to me today was when i realized i put the trash out a day early, subsequently meaning i didn't have to do it tonight.

too much for it to be okay.

i laugh at this - audibly- every single time i see this advertisement.

pretty.

figure skater johnny weir, freestyle skier emily cook, freestyle skier hannah kearney, figure skater rachel flatt, ski jumper anders johnson, snowboarder kelly clark, snowboarder shaun white, snowboarder hannah teter, and freestyle skier jeret (speedy) peterson

a disjointed bombshell of a miserable persuasion. all of her moving in every which wrong wackfuck direction like a steady glass bursting in your hand.

one of the prettiest things i know.

sometimes i wish i could have another grandmother... and she was Paula Deen.

new beginning? actual beginning?

this is now going to be a journal for thoughts. not just inspirations, but thoughts too.

let's try this out, shall we?

It's like not believing in Santa Claus. Even though virtually every part of you wants you to believe, maybe it's even your bones- that's how deep you want it to be true. But when you think about it, just logically think, you can't, and you won't, and you wonder how everyone else can.

Progression of Souls

The country of the souls is underneath us, toward the sunset; the trail leads through a dim twilight. Tracks of the people who last went over it, and of their dogs, are visible. The path winds along until it meets another road which is a short cut used by the shamans when trying to intercept a departed soul.

The trail now becomes much straighter and smoother, and is painted red with ochre. After a while it winds to the westward, descends a long gentle slope, and terminates at a wide shallow stream of very dear water. This is spanned by a long slender log, on which the tracks of the souls may be seen. After crossing, the traveller finds himself again on the trail, which now ascends to a height heaped with an immense pile of clothes-the belongings which the souls have brought from the land of the living and which they must leave here. From this point the trail is level and gradually grows lighter. Three guardians are stationed along this road, one on either side of the river and the third at the end of the path; it is their duty to send back those souls whose time is not yet come to enter the land of the dead. Some souls pass the first two of these, only to be turned back by the third, who is their chief and is an orator who sometimes sends messages to the living by the returning souls. All of these men are very old, grey-headed, wise, and venerable. At the end of the trail is a great lodge, moundlike in form, with doors at the eastern and the western sides, and with a double row of fires extending through it. When the deceased friends of a person expect his soul to arrive, they assemble here and talk about his death. As the deceased reaches the entrance, he hears people on the other side talking, laughing, singing, and beating drums. Some stand at the door to welcome him and call his name. On entering, a wide country of diversified aspect spreads out before him. There is a sweet smell of flowers and an abundance of grass, and all around are berry-bushes laden with ripe fruit. The air is pleasant and still, and it is always light and warm. More than half the people are dancing and singing to the accompaniment of drums. All are naked but do not seem to notice it. The people are delighted to see the new comer, take him up on their shoulders, run around with him, and make a great noise.

Thompson River Indians of British Columbia

Maybe this is what got me started.